Where's Savi? The Journey of 2021 and Onward

Where’s Savi? The Journey of 2021 & Onward

2021 was special and significant for me. It was the first year ever in my life where I allowed myself the full attention of dropping into my own experience and needs with more attentive self-care and service to self. I’ve been tending to the garden of my soul in ways I’ve been craving for a long while.

Basically, I took a strong, healthy dose of my own medicine!

All that I invite others toward day in and day out, I turned upon myself and asked:

where can I nurture myself more,
where do I need to listen and honor myself more deeply,
where can I allow myself to lean into my Truth and greater alignment even more,
what do I need to release that I’m still holding on to (knowing it doesn’t serve any longer),
where have I been dismissing, denying, or denigrating myself and how can I acknowledge, see, hear and love myself more,
what stories have I been telling myself to cope and get by that have just been cover-ups for what I really need,
where can I slow down more, what can I simplify more,
where can I make my own healing a priority,
where do I feel shut down, closed off, alien, and why … and what would encourage opening,
where do I need to feel loved, how can I allow myself to receive more love,
where have I been engaging in performative energy that may not be fully authentic to my true nature,
how can I allow myself to evolve, grow and expand more by erasing self-imposed boxes of limitation,
where am I limiting my LIGHT and containing my adventurous, creative, curious spirit and how will I allow it all to burst forth more,
where is my JOY, my zest for life, my pure spirit, and how will I set myself free in this energy more,
how many more ways can I give my soul it’s voice and express the fullness of its greatness, just because it feels good, not because I have to or because anyone is watching,
etc.!!

It’s not that I wasn’t living this alive … it’s that I’d allowed a version of it to keep ticking that wasn’t the most evolved version available to me.

It’s kind of like when you know there’s an upgrade available for your computer or device, but you’ve grown accustomed to the version you’re using, it’s comfortable, it’s working … and what if you upgrade and the new version has kinks in it that need to be worked out?

Is it possible that sometimes we avoid the kinks and stick with an outdated, outgrown version of ourselves because it’s just more comfortable?

Um yep. I think it’s possible we’ve all done that from time to time.

Me included.
I mean, there’s nothing wrong with this version I’m working with. And that’s true.

However, soul growth is infinite and eternal and it’s what I (we) came here for.

I knew this was going to be a big upgrade.

I resisted a bit (2020, kinda sorta) … and needed more unwinding time before I could get super real and intentional about it all.

When 2021 came along, resistance started to feel just plain yucky (a good clue) … and claiming what I knew I needed felt immediately freeing (a super good clue).

Sooo …

I took the pressure off to ‘make things happen’ (I mean, making things happen isn’t how things work; I know that!)

It was mostly self-induced anyway and largely unnecessary, energy spent in the direction of stress in the company of anxiety, completely unwelcome and uninvited guests. I listened, saw the truth, and responded.

I reeled myself WAY in.
I all but evaporated in the social streams, setting myself free from scrolling and posting.

I got serious about my energy boundaries and called myself to truth when I needed to get clear about the energy I was fielding, holding, releasing, etc.

I got more honest with myself about what fuels me and drains me, and continually made adjustments accordingly.

I let myself have moments to just stare out my windows without tracking the time.

I said YES only to what I truly wanted to say yes to:

Daily devotion and practice time with no agenda … just my own inspired space to deepen and BE.
Individual sessions with amazing people who are committed to their evolutionary soul growth (with certainty, I know that my commitment to my journey in these ways is exponentially elevating what I am able to bring and bring through to the beings I’m honored to work with!)
A handful of kirtan gatherings on the porch through the warmer months
Creating some magic-infused herbal blessing smudge wands, custom flower essences, and new energy shifting aroma elixirs … sometimes just for me, and only when I really wanted to create.
And maybe most importantly, huge YESes to exploring anything and everything that I’d been feeling an undercurrent toward but hadn’t made the time for …
- Reading more, drawing, writing more, writing more music, singing, chanting, exploring further into the realms of yogic philosophy and mysticism, especially with the epic poem Savitri (a huge part of the energy that brought Savi Ma alive in me) and Sri Aurobindo’s work … so much coming more full circle here … all a continuum!
- Gently, with Grace, allowing the fire of creativity to burn brightly alive again, stoking its magic and excitedly leaning into the visions and ideas that are growing within.
- Acknowledging the growing feeling of excitement for the unknown and the co-creative potentials that exist in the field of open receptivity and Presence. For real.

In this process, there was also a lot of releasing (and plenty of grieving) as I recognized things I was holding on to, continuing to create, continuing to do, etc. merely out of outdated alignment, old unserving patterns, habits, and beliefs, unnecessary obligations, etc.

There needed to be a LOT of room for me to sit with myself in acknowledgement of underlying feelings, shadow truths, and trauma-held stories that were holding me in a frozen, locked-in feeling state.

Mostly, I called myself to deepening truths. I inquired within and held space for raw honesty. I listened and responded in kind to a degree I’ve never allowed or experienced before.

This is a non-negotiable continuing commitment and process to myself.

This time I’ve given myself is not done, and it’s not meant to be.

It was never about doing it and getting done.

It was never about a certain length of time.

In fact, it’s been more about releasing from time as much as humanly possible.

It’s been about cleansing the circuits on all levels (unwinding, unraveling, more … more still) and consciously allowing reset with a clean slate of ever-expanding awareness (unwind, unravel and reset simultaneously, it’s not a linear process, spirals, continuum, Presence).

It’s been about journeying without any attachments to outcome, freeing myself from that wholeheartedly and authentically was the only way to embark on this journey in integrity … and any time I felt an attachment or a desire to put a marker on the purpose or outcome in any way I quickly called that into question and allowed myself to release from that energy, giving way to more freedom and liberation.

It’s about all of this. And most important — it’s about reminding myself to stay engaged in this journey — allowing it to be a layer of the spiral that is infused in all the others.

THIS is what it is to be human — Presence, in human form.

To be clear, this is much more about an inner-energy and feeling space than it is about the physical, outer-expressed space of this time. It’s an inside thing. And these meanderings percolated about in every direction day by day, moment to moment.

Why am I sharing this experience?

It’s a good question. I haven’t shared along the way as it’s been intensely personal and part of the nurturing has been about allowing this experience to be purely mine, sacred to me.

Not because I feel what I’m experiencing is too private, but more because part of the practice for me has been about living the experience for me and having that feel like enough, not feeling a need for outward expression of it to make it more valid or valuable in some/any way.

This sharing is coming now because I’m inspired to share. That’s a good reason. Sharing feels more aligned and inspired than not sharing in this moment. Sharing feels like a YES. And there it is. Honoring the Yeses.

Sharing is an important aspect of what it is to be human, linked with our inherent need for interpersonal connection and belonging.

Sharing is important because, through our sharing, we see and recognize ourselves in each other.

If my sharing resonates, perhaps it may spark your own journey further into deeper inquiry, deep rest, unwinding, unraveling, reflection, growth, and expansion.

This time has been precious and valuable to me in more ways than I’m able to name right now.

My life is renewed.

Savi is more and more fully engaged and online within. 🙂

My soul is breathing freely again!

In many ways, I feel my entire life has been in service to others and that has been one of the most fulfilling blessings and greatest honors of this life. Since 2020, I’ve come to realize that aspects of what I give so freely and generously to others, I hadn’t been giving to myself.

I thought I was. I kind of was. Sometimes I really was. In small ways I always was.

But, in deep, hidden in the shadows ways, I wasn’t.

The thing is, I KNOW how this works. And I have cycled this theme before. And I am quite good at self-care… but am I really? The last couple of years have had me taking a much closer look at the deeper aspects of loving care (acceptance, radical honesty, and transparency with myself and those I love, peeling back the layers like never before, embracing it all, allowing space for messy and challenging without judgment *so freeing!*, loving myself more…and accepting it’s all a continuum).

I am SO grateful for this time I’ve been given, and for my willingness to claim it and say yes to ever-deepening layers of my own healing, growth, and expansion.

Classic nurturer, healer, caretaker vibes …

Chiron, the wounded healer, is a great astro-energy and mythology example. Chiron shines the very light of healing that he so needs onto others, he is so immersed and engaged in healing, serving, and helping others that his own precious, vital energy becomes weaker and weaker. He finally realizes that he is deserving of healing energy and must include himself in the circuit of healing and loving care if he wants to be able to continue to be the instrument of healing for others.

How are You Tending to the Garden of Your Soul?

Many in my circles will read this and relate deeply. We all KNOW this. And sometimes, we need reminders and accountability to ask ourselves —

Are we tending to the gardens of our soul, are we giving ourselves what we need most to thrive, grow, elevate and expand?

Sometimes, that just means simple rest, true unplugging, stimulation, and information-free space to just BE. That’s an amazing start! And it’s something we all deserve and need.

I’d love to hear more about your journey and reflections!

Comment below, ask a question, reflect, share … or feel free to send me a personal message.

Sessions with Source and Savi

Are you ready to bring intention and attention to your soul journey?

If you’re feeling up for deep discovery and an enriching soul reset and you’d like some supportive intuitive guidance and loving cheerleading along the way, I’m here for you!

Let’s schedule some session time!

Walking the path with someone who’s been there is always beneficial and beautifully revealing.

Send me an email: info@lovingawareness.org and we’ll begin!

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